So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
