she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You are the jesus of drinking
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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