I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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