I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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