So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
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