TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
