i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
