thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
