just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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