you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
