if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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