Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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