That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
