she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
