bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
