I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
