You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't deserve a penis
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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