I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
