what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
