counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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