wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
