Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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