The maid of honor just puked.
My liver just broke up with me...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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