he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
