Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Come share oat with me in your robe
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
