If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
