I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
