she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
