I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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