Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
