The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
