Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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