So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
