the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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