I think I died a long time ago.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
