At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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