So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
