she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
