A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
That's intense
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
