I murdered the dance floor call the cops
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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