The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
MIDGETS
????
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
