Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
