here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
