Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
