Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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