I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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