well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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