maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
