So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
my liver is dry heaving
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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