I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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