dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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