Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
