I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
