He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
